He couldn't say ''I love you'' until the end. And now he was gone. Before, there was the intense love affair mixed with deep disappointments and hurts that started in the 1920s and developed over the years when the two were artists and architects in Santa Fe and Taos. Afterwards, she went on--on to reach new heights as she became a famous builder of adobe houses and a painter of all that surrounded her. But his influence remained and it permeates her writing as firmly as the mind that dominated her before his death. Yet this seems to stimulate her probing deeper into her own self and she transports the reader to the art colonies, the blue skies and clean, cool air of northern New Mexico over several decades. Is this a love story? Perhaps not. More likely this is a study in the transforming of attitudes, shaping the reader's thought to appreciate everything about everyday life, encouraging joy in every emotion, searching for one's own consciousness.